Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Lily, Two Steps Forward, One Step Back, but a Very Happy Girl

Lily is doing so good. We still have off days, but my new Malaysian friend who was adopted and who has adopted three children told me that attachment is two steps forward, one step back. It reassured me because things were going so well but during a weekend visit from grandparents I got the cold shoulder again. Daniel and I both noticed that when someone else is around she will focus on them more and ignore us a bit, or act to us as if she doesn't need us anymore. If we are encouraging her to walk and will not carry her at that moment, she will find someone else around and they will carry her and she will look at us like, look...they picked me up! All of this is classic signs of what she's gone through and doesn't scare us. We are making great strides with her.

We have a lot of fun with her. She is communicating great! She is using the word because in her sentences now. She likes to tattle on the kids. While I appreciate knowing everything that goes on, I know the kids can become annoyed when a sibling breaks the sibling code! I said, "Lily you are a tattletale!" She said, "NO, Mommy, NO tattletale!" She knows exactly what we mean at all times. She is sharp as a tack!

Lily has taken inventory of everything in the house. She's like a cat. If something new comes in the house, she has to figure it out and ask whose it is. She picks and points to everything and says, "Mommy, Lily's?" If I say no, she makes a cute disgusted face for a brief moment and then bright eyed turns to me and asks, "Ebbybody's????" She wants me to say everything is hers even if she doesn't care about it.

When we go shopping she wants everything, although she doesn't really care about the things she does have. It's like she wants to hoard things, but has no emotional attachment to them. I am sure this is a defense mechanism, not to love anything.

My new friend also told me that it could take years for her to accept me fully as her mother and give me the trust I am wanting. She said she has had so many female pretend to be "mamma" that haven't cared truly about her that she is protecting herself from me. Makes complete sense. I have to be patient.

Thankfully she loves Hope fully and never acts jealous. She helps me with her. She feels a strong bond and Hope loves her strongly too! On the other hand, she and Johnny fight some and complain to me about the other, but a minute later I will find them eating watermelon together on the back patio. I think she can't stand him sometimes but she knows he is the most fun and creative sibling so she wants to stick close to him..

She says goody alot instead of good. Because I often say, "Good, Lily!" to her when she shows me something, now she will call my name, show me something, and then say, "Mommy, it's goooooooody! It's gooooody!" And I will say, "it sure is goody LILY!"

Instead of saying "Mommy, listen" she say, "Mommy, watch this!' She says watch this all day long! She is learning English so well we never feel she is suffering from the language barrier.

I love her so much. I like her so much. She is cute and fun. I like her more everyday. I am learning to like her and respond to her consistently no matter how she responds to me. This is hard.

At any time of the day she will come to me and tell me where every member of the family is just to be safe. She wants to know what we are doing the whole day and night. She is loving life. She loves us. I don't think she could be having any more fun!! Tonight at 9:00 I came in the living room and Phoebe had tied two jump ropes together and then tied them to Hope's play yard and was swinging it so Lily could jump. She was giggling with delight! Happy girl!

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