Sunday, May 22, 2011
Happiness
We found this snow white costume that Phoebe wore as a baby. I'm trying to find the photo of her in it!
I love this photo because of Lily's expression in the background. She thought Hope was so cute. She really loves her so much. No jealousy. Supernatural love!
Lily in her element....BASEBALL! It's one of the first things she got introduced to in America. We've been to countless games in the last three months and she loves it! She recognizes boys at school and grabs me and yells MOMMY, BASEBALL.
These photos were at a family baseball game recently. Husband helped her hit the ball and she ran with a giant smile on her face. She smiles a lot!
I love this photo because of Lily's expression in the background. She thought Hope was so cute. She really loves her so much. No jealousy. Supernatural love!
Lily in her element....BASEBALL! It's one of the first things she got introduced to in America. We've been to countless games in the last three months and she loves it! She recognizes boys at school and grabs me and yells MOMMY, BASEBALL.
These photos were at a family baseball game recently. Husband helped her hit the ball and she ran with a giant smile on her face. She smiles a lot!
Lily's first friend's birthday party!
Lily got invited to Madison's party and she was so excited to go! She jumps at any chance to get in the car and go ANYWHERE! She had so much fun! She danced to the Cha Cha Slide (and she now attempts to sing it around the house), got her hair and makeup done and picked out a pretty costume and she got sprinkled with glitter! It blessed me to see her there having such a fun time. She was timid at first but she quickly realized that her shyness would make her miss out on a good time so she threw caution to the wind and joined ALL the fun. She is a brave girl.
By the way, Lily said there was no glitter at the orphanage. How sad....
By the way, Lily said there was no glitter at the orphanage. How sad....
Artificial Twins!
In adoption communities when you bring an adopted child home that is the same age as a child you already have the word artificial twinning is used. Some agencies do not think this is a good idea as it will produce too much stress on the parents.
May I present to you....Johnny and Lily.....artificial twins!
Immediately in China we realized that there was a connection. Now, let me remind you that Lily is Johnny's big sister although Johnny will not agree to that. And Lily is almost 3 years older. But you couldn't tell Lily that either! She couldn't care less about age and doesn't understand it. Before we went to China Phoebe and I just assumed and were excited about the fact that Lily would love us and want to be just like us! We imagined her admiring our long hair, Phoebe's fancy pretty room, etc.! We quickly realized that we were last on her list of favorites in China (which has changed now and is at a healthy balance) and she just wanted Johnny and Daddy!
And although Phoebe and Lily have developed a good relationship now and Lily wants to sleep with her almost every night and she likewise to me, loves me and responds favorably, she still prefers the boys more. And when it comes to play time, she's stuck to Johnny!
These two will fight and complain to me and Husband about each other, but then be right back with each other getting into mischief. When we first came home from China Daniel was trying to get Lily to say she loved each member of the family....and she got to Johnny and wouldn't! It was quite funny because we know that she loves to be with him! It really is like a REAL brother sister relationship. Like TWINS! In fact we call them the twins when they are together.
I have to admit, Johnny is the most fun. He pushes the limits, thinks of things to do no one else would have, and is always making a big MESS! So she did pick a good pal! And it really makes me happy to see them together. I am so happy for Lily. Her new life is one fun day after the next. Always wanting to know what we are doing, who is going in the car, and where everyone else will be. She takes inventory constantly!
Lily will start K-4 next year and Johnny will be in first grade. But I wonder if quickly after Lily learns a bit more if she might advance to first grade and stick there as she grows. It would be nice to have Johnny to look after her and watch her back. I know he would.
(Lily and Johnny eating watermelon together)
May I present to you....Johnny and Lily.....artificial twins!
Immediately in China we realized that there was a connection. Now, let me remind you that Lily is Johnny's big sister although Johnny will not agree to that. And Lily is almost 3 years older. But you couldn't tell Lily that either! She couldn't care less about age and doesn't understand it. Before we went to China Phoebe and I just assumed and were excited about the fact that Lily would love us and want to be just like us! We imagined her admiring our long hair, Phoebe's fancy pretty room, etc.! We quickly realized that we were last on her list of favorites in China (which has changed now and is at a healthy balance) and she just wanted Johnny and Daddy!
And although Phoebe and Lily have developed a good relationship now and Lily wants to sleep with her almost every night and she likewise to me, loves me and responds favorably, she still prefers the boys more. And when it comes to play time, she's stuck to Johnny!
These two will fight and complain to me and Husband about each other, but then be right back with each other getting into mischief. When we first came home from China Daniel was trying to get Lily to say she loved each member of the family....and she got to Johnny and wouldn't! It was quite funny because we know that she loves to be with him! It really is like a REAL brother sister relationship. Like TWINS! In fact we call them the twins when they are together.
I have to admit, Johnny is the most fun. He pushes the limits, thinks of things to do no one else would have, and is always making a big MESS! So she did pick a good pal! And it really makes me happy to see them together. I am so happy for Lily. Her new life is one fun day after the next. Always wanting to know what we are doing, who is going in the car, and where everyone else will be. She takes inventory constantly!
Lily will start K-4 next year and Johnny will be in first grade. But I wonder if quickly after Lily learns a bit more if she might advance to first grade and stick there as she grows. It would be nice to have Johnny to look after her and watch her back. I know he would.
(Lily and Johnny eating watermelon together)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Three Months Ago They Became Ours
Things Lily likes:
males
noodles
going anywhere in the car
shopping
baby dolls
baseball
ebbybody in car together
Things Lily doesn’t like:
getting left at home when daddy goes to a meeting
drinking her protein shake every morning
being told no
being told she is wrong
Things she has said they DO NOT have at the orphanage:
sea lions
glitter
baseball
getting tucked into bed
getting loved on when she fell twice and her nose bled
iphones
pretty pants and dresses (she said she had one pretty top)
playtime outside
elephants
shampoo
toothbrush
One day we were at the dentist. She spotted coasters on the table. She asks, "Wha leesa?" After repeating that five times I realized she was asking What is that? So I pick up the coasters and begin to explain and demonstrate how they are used for glasses. She says, "Ooooooo Mooooommmmy!" I said, "Lily, you like them?" She said, "Ohhhhhh Mommy! I LOVE them!" Made me laugh so hard.
She still picks up everything in the house and asks whose it is. Tonight I told her something was Roberts and she said, "Roberts ebbybody?" I said, "No. Just Roberts!" She wants everything to be hers or everybody's. She doesn't really care about each thing she asks about, it's just like she's trying to own something! Precious. Because she never had anything to her name before. They gave her to us with the clothes on her back, a zip lock with a hair clip and a couple photos in it and that was it!
We played baseball as a family tonight with family and friends. She runs with joy and freedom and laughter. When I watched her play tonight, so free and happy, I told myself that if I never do anything else in life but raise my 5 children to be happy, healthy adults then my life would be well lived. To wonder what her life could have been and to see it now. It's like whatever path her life was headed on, God intervened and grabbed her! And I'm so grateful he used me and Husband. I feel humbled.
She went to her class tonight at church for the first time. She has been going with me and Husband and Hope in the "big" service. But she was ready to go to her class. She is also excited about going to school too (which she will in August). We put her in the four and five year old class tonight and she did great. She wasn't apprehensive about us leaving. That made me feel good. She is secure enough to know we are coming back for her. I just think this little girl was SO READY to give someone a chance in her life. She was so ready to be loved by anyone! My friend Michele was working nursery so she watched and played with her and gave me a great report! So proud of Lily girl! She is one brave little girl.
I love my Chinese girls. I'm so grateful to God for His GRACE that covers this family. The way Phoebe, Rob, and Johnny have responded to these two girls is beautiful. It's like we never missed a beat. Really. And I do think I have the best daddy in the world for my husband! God knew where to put Lily and Hope to be loved on by the best daddy in the world. And Lily knows it too!
It's been exactly three months since they became officially ours. THREE MONTHS. Seems like they've been here always. We love them so much. So so much. We just want to scream from the rooftops to everyone, "DON'T BE AFRAID! GO GET A BABY FOR YOURSELF!" We know so many people have considered adoption. It's so amazing, words cannot do it justice. There are plenty of babies and kids whose life can be changed in 3 months just like Lily and Hope's! Go for it!
males
noodles
going anywhere in the car
shopping
baby dolls
baseball
ebbybody in car together
Things Lily doesn’t like:
getting left at home when daddy goes to a meeting
drinking her protein shake every morning
being told no
being told she is wrong
Things she has said they DO NOT have at the orphanage:
sea lions
glitter
baseball
getting tucked into bed
getting loved on when she fell twice and her nose bled
iphones
pretty pants and dresses (she said she had one pretty top)
playtime outside
elephants
shampoo
toothbrush
One day we were at the dentist. She spotted coasters on the table. She asks, "Wha leesa?" After repeating that five times I realized she was asking What is that? So I pick up the coasters and begin to explain and demonstrate how they are used for glasses. She says, "Ooooooo Mooooommmmy!" I said, "Lily, you like them?" She said, "Ohhhhhh Mommy! I LOVE them!" Made me laugh so hard.
She still picks up everything in the house and asks whose it is. Tonight I told her something was Roberts and she said, "Roberts ebbybody?" I said, "No. Just Roberts!" She wants everything to be hers or everybody's. She doesn't really care about each thing she asks about, it's just like she's trying to own something! Precious. Because she never had anything to her name before. They gave her to us with the clothes on her back, a zip lock with a hair clip and a couple photos in it and that was it!
We played baseball as a family tonight with family and friends. She runs with joy and freedom and laughter. When I watched her play tonight, so free and happy, I told myself that if I never do anything else in life but raise my 5 children to be happy, healthy adults then my life would be well lived. To wonder what her life could have been and to see it now. It's like whatever path her life was headed on, God intervened and grabbed her! And I'm so grateful he used me and Husband. I feel humbled.
She went to her class tonight at church for the first time. She has been going with me and Husband and Hope in the "big" service. But she was ready to go to her class. She is also excited about going to school too (which she will in August). We put her in the four and five year old class tonight and she did great. She wasn't apprehensive about us leaving. That made me feel good. She is secure enough to know we are coming back for her. I just think this little girl was SO READY to give someone a chance in her life. She was so ready to be loved by anyone! My friend Michele was working nursery so she watched and played with her and gave me a great report! So proud of Lily girl! She is one brave little girl.
I love my Chinese girls. I'm so grateful to God for His GRACE that covers this family. The way Phoebe, Rob, and Johnny have responded to these two girls is beautiful. It's like we never missed a beat. Really. And I do think I have the best daddy in the world for my husband! God knew where to put Lily and Hope to be loved on by the best daddy in the world. And Lily knows it too!
It's been exactly three months since they became officially ours. THREE MONTHS. Seems like they've been here always. We love them so much. So so much. We just want to scream from the rooftops to everyone, "DON'T BE AFRAID! GO GET A BABY FOR YOURSELF!" We know so many people have considered adoption. It's so amazing, words cannot do it justice. There are plenty of babies and kids whose life can be changed in 3 months just like Lily and Hope's! Go for it!
What's your excuse for being mean?
Lily is doing so well. I really feel like she is God's blessing to us. I know we may have great challenges ahead of us, but I also know that God's grace is upon Lily and this family. She has fit in so amazingly. She loves us. She loves life. She sings out loud as she walks around the house. She can play with others or by herself. She is helpful and obedient. She is so smart that sometimes when I see her running around from a distance I have to remind myselft how tiny she is. So much wrapped into such a scrawny, scrappy package! Husband will point to her toes and say Chinese Toes! And she quips back, “you Chinese toes!” She loves to tease! In fact, I am not sure she really is capable of sincere relationship without teasing right now. I’m sure it’s a defense mechanism that she has learned in order to protect herself. And she did a fine job because she is in quite good shape after being neglected for 9 years of her life. She definitely loves us. But I am just not sure how secure she is still. Rightfully so.
If she doesn’t get her way she will sometimes (less and less every week) pout and then treat the person rudely (shrug them off, glare at them, not accept love, etc). This is the behavior I got almost immediately in China, but Daniel is just starting to get it in the last month. I told Husband that this is how girls act. They manipulate men! I think it is one of our sinful nature’s finest traits. Husband doesn’t like her to be mad at him so he goes back to try to fix it but she is still punishing him for saying no to her.
Lily is an innocent child who has been neglected for 9 years. She acts this way because she is insecure, and she should be. She wants to punish the person so they will not tell her no again. She is smart and she is protecting herself. So I talk to her and explain how she acts. She immediately realizes what she has done and she gets embarassed. I tell her we love her and she hurts our feelings when she does that. She has never cared enough about anyone to actually care if she hurts their feelings. Likewise, no one has ever cared enough about her to care if she is mad at them. It’s all good and we are all learning and growing. I know that in time she will find that she is secure with us, and be able to let down the defenses. My heart’s desire is that she will have healthy relationships in her life. Insecurity will destroy a relationship.
It got me thinking about adults. So many times when we see an adult act badly I tell the kids that they probably acted the same way as a child and never matured. Kids act bad and manipulate because they are kids. But what’s adults' excuses?
When Daniel and I first got married we had a rough first year, although it was good in it's own right. We had not dated but a year when we got married and if you know me, I like to lay it all out and know everything. So that first year we plowed through each other’s lives, the good the bad and the ugly. Sometimes I’d get mad at him and treat him badly. I wanted to punish him and show him that this is what you get when you do me that way. This is a woman in her ugliest! Manipulation. It’s so bad, yet so many relationships daily function on it.
As Daniel and I grew in our relationship, the manipulation stopped. Of course it rears its head, but we stop it. I’ve had friends who have gotten into very unhealthy relationships with girls as well. I can remember two girls in college. Everyone else tried to tell this girl how unhealthy their relationship was. Clearly codependent. But it’s hard to see when you are in it. You need to listen to others around you. Unhealthy relationships happen because of insecurities. A person tries to place a demand on another human being that only God could meet. The person fails continually because of this and anger and manipulation ensues.
The only way that we can have healthy relationships with others is to know who we are in Christ and to walk in that confidence. We shouldn’t do things motivated by guilt from others. We shouldn’t respond to manipulation. We should set boundaries and don’t let anyone cross them. One of the things that contiually comes up in books and advice concerning Lily is that she needs strong clear boundaries so she will feel safe. When we don’t have these same boundaries with friends then sometimes we let them cross the boundaries and other times not...and the person gets insecure and fearful and controlling. Speak the truth in love. And concerning our husbands, when we manipulate to get what we want it only makes us childish and weakens our relationship. So many men who have been unfatithful to their wives say they found someone who was nice to them! Yikes! Why are girls so mean?
So I guess just seeing these things in Lily and how this is completely expected behavior for what her life has been made me think how sometimes we act the same way and we don't really have an excuse. I see years and years of work ahead of us to teach Lily about true love. Not because she isn't easy to love or because she hasn't shown us love. But I'm talking about real love that can only come when you know where you stand with a person and you know it's a forever unconditional love. We are willing to show that to her. I know she will one day be a confident woman in Christ.
Yet some of us still struggle with this, and we have friends and family and happiness in our lives. To spend our lives constantly measuring ourselves against others only makes us insecure, threatened, and is such a waste of time. Life goes on whether you are insecure or not. We might as well deal with it now and get over it. Because there is nothing greater in the world than being yourself and being ok with it. Are you ok with it?
If she doesn’t get her way she will sometimes (less and less every week) pout and then treat the person rudely (shrug them off, glare at them, not accept love, etc). This is the behavior I got almost immediately in China, but Daniel is just starting to get it in the last month. I told Husband that this is how girls act. They manipulate men! I think it is one of our sinful nature’s finest traits. Husband doesn’t like her to be mad at him so he goes back to try to fix it but she is still punishing him for saying no to her.
Lily is an innocent child who has been neglected for 9 years. She acts this way because she is insecure, and she should be. She wants to punish the person so they will not tell her no again. She is smart and she is protecting herself. So I talk to her and explain how she acts. She immediately realizes what she has done and she gets embarassed. I tell her we love her and she hurts our feelings when she does that. She has never cared enough about anyone to actually care if she hurts their feelings. Likewise, no one has ever cared enough about her to care if she is mad at them. It’s all good and we are all learning and growing. I know that in time she will find that she is secure with us, and be able to let down the defenses. My heart’s desire is that she will have healthy relationships in her life. Insecurity will destroy a relationship.
It got me thinking about adults. So many times when we see an adult act badly I tell the kids that they probably acted the same way as a child and never matured. Kids act bad and manipulate because they are kids. But what’s adults' excuses?
When Daniel and I first got married we had a rough first year, although it was good in it's own right. We had not dated but a year when we got married and if you know me, I like to lay it all out and know everything. So that first year we plowed through each other’s lives, the good the bad and the ugly. Sometimes I’d get mad at him and treat him badly. I wanted to punish him and show him that this is what you get when you do me that way. This is a woman in her ugliest! Manipulation. It’s so bad, yet so many relationships daily function on it.
As Daniel and I grew in our relationship, the manipulation stopped. Of course it rears its head, but we stop it. I’ve had friends who have gotten into very unhealthy relationships with girls as well. I can remember two girls in college. Everyone else tried to tell this girl how unhealthy their relationship was. Clearly codependent. But it’s hard to see when you are in it. You need to listen to others around you. Unhealthy relationships happen because of insecurities. A person tries to place a demand on another human being that only God could meet. The person fails continually because of this and anger and manipulation ensues.
The only way that we can have healthy relationships with others is to know who we are in Christ and to walk in that confidence. We shouldn’t do things motivated by guilt from others. We shouldn’t respond to manipulation. We should set boundaries and don’t let anyone cross them. One of the things that contiually comes up in books and advice concerning Lily is that she needs strong clear boundaries so she will feel safe. When we don’t have these same boundaries with friends then sometimes we let them cross the boundaries and other times not...and the person gets insecure and fearful and controlling. Speak the truth in love. And concerning our husbands, when we manipulate to get what we want it only makes us childish and weakens our relationship. So many men who have been unfatithful to their wives say they found someone who was nice to them! Yikes! Why are girls so mean?
So I guess just seeing these things in Lily and how this is completely expected behavior for what her life has been made me think how sometimes we act the same way and we don't really have an excuse. I see years and years of work ahead of us to teach Lily about true love. Not because she isn't easy to love or because she hasn't shown us love. But I'm talking about real love that can only come when you know where you stand with a person and you know it's a forever unconditional love. We are willing to show that to her. I know she will one day be a confident woman in Christ.
Yet some of us still struggle with this, and we have friends and family and happiness in our lives. To spend our lives constantly measuring ourselves against others only makes us insecure, threatened, and is such a waste of time. Life goes on whether you are insecure or not. We might as well deal with it now and get over it. Because there is nothing greater in the world than being yourself and being ok with it. Are you ok with it?
Monday, May 9, 2011
Happy Mother's Day to Me
These are my kids. I did not give birth to them all, but they are all 100% my kids. I love them all differently yet the same! Daniel and I say almost every day what would we do without Lily and Hope! God has given us so much love for these two children I did not give birth to. It's easy to love them. Easy.
I think about this little boy at the orphanage.
He's around 12 years old. He doesn't have a mother. He needs one....bad. His birthday is coming up. The orphanage said they didn't even register him to be adopted because no one would want him. That means he never has really had a chance...unless someone knows he is there and fights for him. There are so many children that need a mother so very badly. Maybe you have tried for years and spent thousands of dollars trying to conceive. Maybe you have children already but are feeling a pull to adoption. GO FOR IT! They need a mother so bad! If you have the desire to adopt, what are you waiting for? God put that in you for a divine purpose and you won't be able to shake it. Adoption is life changing. Not just for the child. But it has changed my family. My extended family as well. I see God's love for us different now. I cannot describe to you the beauty of it all. The love I feel for Hope and Lily and how it makes me love God more. It's like no matter how much extra "work" I have to do with them, I never regret it, get tired of them, or want a pity party (like I did after my first child!). Adoption is not just good, it's God!
Lily told me that when she was born her mother didn't want her and didn't love her and didn't hold and kiss her. She told me that her mother threw her on the ground (she had a mean face on her when she said this). This is what the orphanage mommas told her. Well, I don't believe that. Because if that were true then her mother would have thrown her in the trash or in a field, not wrapped her in a blanket and left her at the steps of the orphanage just before dawn. Her mother loved her enough to take her where she would be found and given a chance at life. And if Hope and Lily's biological mother could see them today.....they would know they had made the right decision.
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