My heart is so full right now. This is a dream come true for me. Adoption has always amazed, impressed, consumed me with it's heart and passion. From the time I was little and heard that some friends of mine were adopted, I was amazed by the unconditional love that I saw. How could those parents love that baby as their own? What if something were wrong with the baby once they accepted it? These were questions I had as a child. As I got older, I used to watch programs on television late night about the horrible orphanages in Russia. It broke my heart. It was something that once I had seen, I could never forget. It burdened me.
After meeting Daniel I shared my love for adoption. He too said it just felt like a good thing, something we could definitely do. WOW. Someone that is open. That made me happy. We are so much alike. A perfect match in every way and more as the years go by. So we talked briefly here and there about when we'd adopt. I had always imagined adopting a child in between our biological children. I thought about having 2 biological and adopting one. But as the years went on, and 3 perfect, happy children later, I realized we didn't ever do it. It seems like a fog (a happy fog, don't get me wrong)....when I think about the "baby years." Pregnant, baby, lose weight, readjust emotionally, start cycle over, etc. Mothers know what I mean. So last year I started thinking about adoption and thought that our "window" had passed. I even thought maybe we were just supposed to donate financially to someone who was adopting. Yeah, maybe that's why I felt so burdened, I thought. Because after all, it didn't happen. We have three children. If it was SUPPOSED to happen, surely it would've, right?
WRONG. You know, my quick-witted sister Christina has a current saying that we all laugh at. You know how everyone says, "Everything happens for a reason." Well, she says, "What if everything DOESN'T happen for a reason!" And you know, when you think about it, she's right. Saying everything happens for a reason is a cowardly way of not taking responsibiblity for things that happen in your life. Granted, I know that there are things we have absolutely no control over. But think about this in relation to my desire to adopt. I could've just assumed that since I had three children (which was completely our decision) then we weren't meant to adopt. Our live is complete now, right. Biological children that look and act like us. Perfect, right? Perfect, yes, but not complete. When God gives you a desire that burns in your heart and soul, don't let it go.
After throwing away the adoption packet that I had kept for over 7 years last summer, my heart began to burst. If I thought of adoption, I began to cry. I am not a cry-baby. It takes a lot to make me shed real, uncontrollable tears, but this did it!! I would hear songs that made me think of it, and cry. It was bad!! : ) But it was good! My heart was broken and open to God and He was definitely speaking to me and preparing my heart and literally changing my personality in some cases. He was in control and I knew it. I knew that I could not CONVINCE Daniel to adopt a child after we have 3 already. I didn't even try. I kept quite for almost a year, knowing in my heart that God sees Daniel and I as one. If He gave me this desire, He would give it to Daniel with the same undeniable, supernatural burning!
And He did! It almost shocked me how simple and easy the decision was made. In the natural, it just didn't seem like "a good time." But God doesn't work in the natural. God has His own plans for our lives. And they don't include a house, a boy and a girl, a car and a boat! That is the American dream. And while that is great, most of us don't have that. Life comes with unexpected heartache, trauma, and dissappointments that ruin that dream. So to me, life is about finding out what God desires for you to do with your life while you have it. That's a place that we just came to now. In that place, we were able to see clearly that this is God's will for our life, and we are so honored!