A letter to a friend...

  The truth is, you could get a baby that has trouble. There is no guarantee that your baby will be "healthy" besides the cleft. However, when u adopt from the non special needs children there is really no guarantee. Also, when u give birth to a child there is no guarantee. 

When we said yes to Lily we thought she was mentally retarded. Her medical records were extremely vague, outdated and terrifying! They said she was deaf and mentally challenged and obstinate. We spoke out loud every possible scenario. I said

-what if she doesn't grow

-what if she doesn't learn

-what if she can't potty by herself

-what if she lives with us forever 

And we had to be able to say yes to all those things. Because there is no guarantee. 

When u deliver a child u would never think of giving it back or leaving it at the hospital if something was wrong with it. It's YOUR baby. Forever. You have to be prepared when u say yes to the referral that that is the moment of delivery. Yours. Forever. No turning back. No matter what. 

The devil woke me up in the middle of the night one night after we accepted Lily and Hope's referrals. He said to me very clearly, "What are you doing adopting them?! They will ruin your life!" I felt a heaviness in the room. It was the spirit of fear. I had to bind it and say I will not listen! I had to remind myself that no matter what they were MINE!!!

When I went to China and saw the children from the orphanage I was overcome with compassion. I no longer secretly hoped I would get a "cute" baby. I forgot how I used to hope for an "easy" special need. I saw about 60 children that needed families!! And I knew that my home, 2800 square feet 4 bedroom home might as well have been a palace! I started calculating if we put bunk beds in every room, 2 sets, then we could fit 12 kids in my kids' bedrooms! I started thinking about how we could forego private schooling and I could homeschool them to afford it. We could move out of the city to some land and have chickens with eggs! My mind was working overtime to rearrange mine and my dear husband's live to rescue these kids!!!

I texted these things to my husband who was thousands of miles away. I can remember hearing about the new iPhone coming out and Husband asking me if I wanted one. I was distraught in my hotel room in China grieving the futures of the unrescued children left when I leave, but it was true, the newest iPhone coming out was THE BIGGEST NEWS IN AMERICA at that moment. Sad. 

It took me going over there myself to have this radical change of mind. But Husband did indeed have this same transformation just from me talking, crying, gasping, and texting a $400 phone bill those 10 days in China. So I know that God can give us that type of heart even if we cannot go over to see them firsthand. 

Pray for that heart. For you. For your husband. That it would overtake you. No longer would you care about your needs. But theirs. 

That is the only way you can guarantee that when you say yes to your referral that you will not look back. You will not doubt. You will choose to lay down your life no matter how easy or hard for this child. No matter what. Forever. 

I hope this helps. Adoption is scary looking at it through human eyes. But when we see it through God's, we see the joy of redemption ahead and it compels us forward!

These children need someone who will step out in faith and say, no matter what, you are mine!

I love you and will pray for you!